To be disillusioned, you need to have an illusion first. Which, for many people, would be a ‘bad thing’. Because to have an illusion is to have gotten it all wrong, to be delusional, to have been so shamefully naïve and unaware of what was ‘actually’ going on that you are worthy of your own ridicule and maybe even that of other people.
There is a sense of shame to having had an illusion. And yet - if it was a pleasant illusion - having the illusion was a period in your life in which you got to feel great.
To have an illusion can seem ecstatic. As has been said, "Ignorance is Bliss!" You are on a ride where everything appears to make sense. You know how things work. It seems as if you can trust that the way things are for you is the way things are for everyone. You know your direction. You are on the right path.
The old saying goes, "If it works, don't fix it!"
Does having the right illusion mean it is working?
WRESTLING WITH ILLUSIONS AND DISILLUSIONMENT
What is Disillusionment?
Illusion is when you think that you know something and later you find out you actually didn't .
People think it is bad to have an illusion, because when you get out of it you think you got it all wrong.
There is a sense of shame of having had an illusion.
There are pleasant and unpleasant illusions.
I am in harmony because what I believe is what is happening in the world is corresponding with the outer world. There is congruence of what I think and what is happening in the world.
There is a proudness about I know how things are. and then there is the moment that I find out I was wrong about something.
Then I am interested into that moment. What happens in that moment? A sense of shame, but all that time they were happy because they thought they knew something because they were in harmony with their environment.
Illusion men are respectful with women.
Women tell the truth
Children are pleasant to be around.
Possibility Management is the solution to everything...
When you have a pleasant illusion, everything is ecstatic. You know how things work.
Trustingly you put your trust that the way things are for you is the way things are.
You know your direction, cues, dialog with the world. You have a sense that everything makes sense.
You are on the right path...
The disillusionment shatters this.
The value is that as long as you have an illusion you will do anything unconsciously to maintain it because you want you inner and outer woelf to keep matching so that everything keeps making sense to you, and therefore you are actually being very stubborn single out rare possibilities and empower them. Anything that challenges your illusion will be discarded.
So when you allow for your illusion to shatter it opens up this huge naked space in which to really question yourself and in which you cannot rely anymore on things being a given which can be sad an uncomfortable and lonely, but the cool thing is that you get to choose for yourself what you create, what you wish to believe for now.
You get to re-choose how you build your construct of the world instead of itt just being there.
What are the questions?
If this is not the way it is, then how is it?
What happens in reverse mode, every time you justified something and convinced yourself of the truthfulness of your illusion, all the glue that you used to glue pieces together that actually do not belong or fit together dissolves and leaks out and then there are all these holes which are reminder of all the self-convincing you enforced in order to maintain the illusion in childhood and all the moments I found out I had illusions.
Emotions of joy before the illusion was shattered. AS if the world was better before the illusion was shattered. All this other stuff outside of the illusion is scary and dangerous, hostile.
You can face that.
Positive force it all felt so warm and great before the illusion was destroyed, we are doing yourself a favor because it feels so much nicer.
So many people have created the illusion that they are not good enough or not wanted or not fitting not being loved negative illusions.
They defend these with their life because it feels normal.
Because it is known.
DISILLUSIONMENT AND JOURNEYING THE 3 WORLDS
I do not want to stand up and take responsibility, move, build a whole new thing and experience discomfort.
What is the discomfort in the moment of Disillusionment?
What if you acquire or develop a taste for that moment of Disillusionment experience, that refreshing shock of Disillusionment?
If someone is to go on the path of evolution, it can help if Disillusionment is a taste that you develop. Otherwise you unconsciously sabotage all attempts at Disillusionment.
But how to develop a taste for Disillusionment?
Self Disillusionment requires that you move through different spaces, away from certainty into spaces of doubt, fear, anger. You may feel resentment that the illusion was an illusion, or that the illusion is being take away.
I place my feet in the newly formed domain. I gave up my known identity and I don't know what's next.
This can be exciting.
The old identity is like the chrysalis or egg shell.
Moving from an ecstatic illusion to a void of unknown possibility.
This is a moment that you can connect to your Being, because you do not have the mental construct box identity to hold onto previous to everything else, and then there are all these feelings and emotions with no map, so then I can start feeling things one by one, savor them, go into their flavors and colors and see what happens when I feel them.
In that place where there was that identity, there is this spaciousness, you can feel love, slow down to the speed of love, finding a new found trust that does not come from an idea that you have always had. The exhilarating experiment willingness to be without knowing what Being means.
Then I am connected to my Being that is there for no reason.
The illusion I had has stopped being a reason for trusting.
But the trust is there independent of the illusion.
Moving to many places and having to reconstruct myself again.
The discomfort of maintaining something when I start to see the cracks is unbearable. Deceiving myself in order to maintain a sense of familiarity and comfort is worse than throwing myself into the void.
I travelled to Nigeria for six months. I changed friend groups a lot. I was using hard drugs, stealing stuff, trashing hotels, hanging out with a partying group of friends. When I take drugs there is a moment when the drug stops working. The exhilarated joy turns out to have been a chemically induced reality. All the bonding you feel goes away. All the beautiful loving people turn out to be self-obsessed and ugly. It feels like a shadow coming in that I don't want to face. More drugs makes the shadow worlds. It is just chemically using up the stuff in your brain to make you happy until it is really finished. Give up wanting it to be so nice. Stop holding onto the idea that it has to remain nice forever, and just go face the dark and then go home.
It is inevitable that the shadow is going to come at some point, It feels pitiful to try to convince myself that it is not going to happen, there is no doubt about it that the shadow will return. My friends would take another scoop of drugs. You are trying to kid yourself. Trying to kid myself is beneath my level of dignity. I will not try to make something happen that cannot, like trying to have sex with a dead person hoping that they will do something back, being angry at the dead person, no you you have to come alive for me otherwise I will be alone.
My disgust of witnessing these tendencies helped me to move away from this.
But then I am alone.
Almost always there is just such a missing and necessary link to feelings work. In order to be okay with being alone use your anger to convince yourself that you will be okay. Be incredibly afraid of being alone or choose another option.
I practice being angry instead of being afraid.
Whatever the experience is, you always have the option to lie down close your eyes and just feel yourself, anything, the tips of your finger, arms, chest, visit all the places in your body, and slowly undo layers of thinking you cannot be with yourself.
If you think "I cant do this" then go with the feeling of I cant do it. Follow yourself, like two butterflies flying around with each other. This is very safe, because nothing is a threat, because I decided to be with everything that comes up, and everything I manage to be with is a new victory on my list.
How does this fit into your life now? How do you use it?
Finding a way of being alive? How do you do it?
There is definitely something about speed and a circular motion going somewhere and then finding my way back to feeling centered.
There are seasoned during the day. Depressing, as sense of not belonging to anything, having a purpose out there but being disconnected to it. Then I be with it. I literally stay in bed until I feel like getting up. I am very honest with myself and transparent with myself, and trying to remember that there is something like love, and follow myself like these two butterflies, until I feel a willing ness to be in the day. There is a space of having ideas, remembering what my life is about. This is really scary to have this kind of patience with myself. There are so many ideas to make it better to get out of bed a t 7 and be active and happy and out there. There is fear and mocking distrust that not getting up at 7 and staying there until I feel centered and harmonize would be indulging., But if I am patient with myself I have a really great day. There are violent forms of self-pressuring to be in a different place than I am, to be faster, to have it all far more under control, to be far more un-fazed, to have it together more. And the sadness comes is a release of connecting with myself, that all the rushing is not as important as it pretends to be. Something is heard in me, communicating and feeling with something in myself that is authentic and original, an new found home. This is what the sadness is.
If you become Disillusioned, how will you relate to people who are not disillusioned?
There are different types of illusions: joyful and dark.
Everybody always eating pink candy is a joyful illusion.
My mother in law has dark illusions about herself and about how the world is. To be with her I have to play a part in her dark illusion. game in order for them to maintain their illusion, magnetic force driving me to move without the boundaries of what they think the world is about. It feels very tight.
I can have a lot of space and curiosity and dedication and love for these people as long as I can set the context for how we relate.
This is only possible when I give a workshop because then there is the agreement that I can set the context.
If I decide that I want to have an honest conversation and ask the person to be in service of my context, in this space, I want to be here for a bit... If they do not join me then I try to convince them and the interaction becomes unpleasant.
If someone is in a dark illusion I feel like there is a force to cripple into their world to maintain their perspective. When someone has a pleasant positive illusion I would rather avoid them rather than shatter it for them. Or I withhold and fitting into their thing but it feels different.
If I win the lottery, many other people lose money. Overall, the 'winning' is an illusion.
Afterwards repeating and parroting things to play the illusion in a pyramid scam such a farce of community after it falls apart.
How do you add humor to Disillusionment? Seeing someone so stubbornly hold onto something that is just so not true.
Reverse psychology on themselves, if you impersonate someone who is overdoing the emotions in the text, or to rap in front of people or write a poem, try and do the worst performance or write the worst poem you could ever write. Better than trying to do your best.
Better than trying to yank yourself up.
There is something sweet and tenderness in someone trying to maintain an illusion, they are trying to survive, trying to enjoy life, but if you have a violent childhood and find a good an illusion, I do not want to mistreat myself by forming myself out of an illusion. This would be a nasty thing to do to myself.
If someone suggests to you that you are when being in some kind of illusion, try to hold onto it as much as you can, discard and reject it with as much force as you can muster, you might see the ridiculous nature of what you are up to and finally it becomes funny. Over-do your conviction that you are so bad, or so good, etc.
The value of utter disillusionment is that it provides you with an immunity to illusions.
How to do this without dying of hopelessness.
Complete and utter vacancy of illusions.
Broken hearted about how the world is, cannot believe that anything is nice.
If you start associating joy with being in illusion, fantasy, and dream, then that's a strategy to say I am broken hearted as can be so I will not believe in anything, because if I get more broken hearted I will die - which is just another dark illusion.
Achieve an equanimous glad tranquil state in Buddhism, equanimity equates to suppressing feelings.
If disillusionment is a joyful tranquil state, where you perceive illusions, you accept them, ideas beliefs potential illusions, but you do not have the need right there and then to figure out if it is an illusion or not because you do not have to defend yourself against illusions, you can discard things as necessary. The things that are useful for you now will remain, and there is the possibility of change.
I'm depressed with demons, and do not tell me that's true.
We want to keep things familiar but it goes farther, there were enemies, parents to who did bac things to us, and at some point you identify with it, then there are people who deserve to be killed where an autoimmune things comes up where the enemy gets into your body and you start defending against the good stuff that wants to get in. Once the autoimmune disease enters, it kills everything inside that stops invaders from coming in.
You come into this work blind and new, but there are nice or poisonous things in the world, in order to have immunity, you inject some of the poison into your body, but then that become the new normal, then you are not aware that you started poisoning yourself when you were five years old. If someone comes and says hey look, the world has bright and shiny things, but it does not match and you defend yourself by attacking the bright and shiny things.
It starts with wanting to match the inner world with the outer world to survive. If your mother hits you, you may decide that you are unworthy to live. The outer world is the authority, and you are here to learn to survive. Then later, or as a reaction, you may come to think, "Hey! I adapted to external authority and circumstances all my life. I decided that I am okay if my inner world does not match the outer world. I am not going to adapt anymore.
Write in your BEEP! book what illusions the main character, Truman Burbank, has. What illusions do the other characters have?
Christof, the producer of the show, or Truman's wife Laura?
What illusions do the many viewers who watched the series over decades have? What are the moments in each case when each character's illusions are shattered?
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ILLUSIONS AND DRUGS
Matrix Code DISILLUS.02
Go with a friend to a pub in a place where the same people are always standing at the counter drinking beer.
Sit with the people at the bar and order a non-alcoholic drink. Place yourself so that you can hear what people are talking about as they get drunker and drunker. Listen to what illusions people have and how they prove them to be true.
How are the illusions composed?
What is happening in their world and what do they think about it?
Observe what role alcohol plays in this.
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Matrix Code DISILLUS.03
In order for an illusion to occur, two things must coincide: What I think about the world and what I see in the world. When these two things are congruent, I have an illusion. Disillusionment is the moment when this congruence breaks down.
For example, because something other than what I think happens. In this respect, the illusion allows only one linkage.
Do the following experiment: Without thinking twice, grab 10 objects from your household and place them on the table in front of you. Take the first object in your hand and observe how fast the linkage happens.
Suppose it is a pair of scissors. It's almost impossible to see the scissors and NOT think scissors, right? So now there is your thought about the object and the object itself. A perfect illusion. Take a small piece of paper and write the word SCISSORS on it. Put the piece of paper next to the scissors.
Do this with all 10 objects and observe how quickly the link happens in your mind.
...and go on with the next experiment...
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CRACK THE ILLUSION
Matrix Code DISILLUS.04
...now you may think: This is not an illusion. This is really a pair of scissors! You think you have understood and seen through this fact, you can check it off and a pair of scissors will always be a pair of scissors?
Following the last one, do the following experiment: Collect the 10 slips of paper next to the 10 items from your household again and shuffle them in your hand like a deck of cards. Then distribute the slips of paper again among the items as they come out of your hand.
Look at the results. Take the items one at a time in your hand and call them by their new names. Take 10 minutes and memorize the new names. Just like you used to memorize vocabulary in school.
Then write very small pieces of paper with the new names and stick them on the items. Label the items by their new names for a few days. Write down your experiences in your BEEP!Book. What are you creating as a result?
...and the next experiment is waiting...about scissors...
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THOUSANDS OF POSSIBILITIES
Matrix Code DISILLUS.05
Improvisation is nothing more than creating new links. Or: Improvisation is the choice that there is not only one possible link between what I think and what happens. Until now, you thought certain things when you saw a pair of scissors. What you did with them until now was appropriate and no one questioned it. Now your scissors are no longer called scissors, but ........... And this is how the experiment goes: Every day, find three things that you can do with your "scissors". These should be things you've never done with "scissors" before.
I'll give a few examples:
Use your "scissors" like a knife when eating, so eat with a fork and "scissors".
Cut bread apart with your "scissors".
Give a pair of scissors as a birthday gift.
Write a love poem about your scissors.
Put the scissors in a flower vase like a flower with the other flowers.
Do that for one week.
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DON'T BE A YES WHEN YOU ARE A NO / PART 1
Matrix Code DISILLUS.06
When you pretend to like being in a space with a person when in fact you would rather not be in the space with that person, you are deceiving that person so that you are both living in an illusion.
Maybe you learned as a child that you have to endure some things. Maybe you've heard phrases like, "It won't take long. Hang in there. Don't be so fancy and don't make a fuss." What is the illusion? What happens?
You are in the space with a person you don't want to be in the space with. What are you thinking?
You're thinking, "Hang in there and don't make a fuss." And the only possible link is that you stay in the space with the person.
The illusion falls apart when you change your thought, for example.
If you think, "I'm going to leave right now, because I don't want to stay in this space," immediately countless possibilities arise that can happen, and equally countless thoughts that you can think. And this is the experiment: for one week, observe how you behave in spaces you don't really want to be in. This could be your workplace or the dentist, perhaps meeting an unpleasant neighbor in the elevator.
Notice the phrases in your head and write them down. How old are they, who taught them to you? Where in the physical body do you notice resistance, how does the no show? Where in the mental body do you notice resistance, how does the no show? Where in the emotional body do you notice resistance, how does the no show? Where in the energetic body do you notice resistance, how does the no show? Where in the archetypal body do you notice resistance, how does the no show itself?
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DON'T BE A YES WHEN YOU ARE A NO / PART 2
Matrix Code DISILLUS.07
When you have gained awareness of the illusion you have lived in for so long, you can change your mind and make a new decision. Because why would you continue to pretend to be a Yes when all your bodies are so clearly a No? Perhaps there are smaller illusions that can be simply and easily picked apart (like the neighbor in the elevator) and larger ones that lie before you like a mountain, causing much emotional fear within you. To experiment, the lighter, smaller illusions probably lend themselves well. Choose one of the spaces from the previous experiment where you were in an illusion and write down: - What have you thought about the space so far? - What did you tell yourself to stay in the space? How did you numb yourself so you wouldn't feel? - What is your benefit from this illusion? - What are the cracks in this illusion?
What is no longer working? What do you really want? Make a conscious decision whether you want to continue living in the illusion or whether you want to leave this stage. Once you have made this decision, leaving the stage, saying Stop or No and getting out of the illusion may be quite easy.
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AN IMPOSSIBLE EXPERIMENT
Matrix Code DISILLUS.08
Lie on the floor, on your back, stretch out your arms and legs and close your eyes. Observe your breathing, how the air flows into the body, which way it takes and how it leaves it again. I shy away from describing in more detail what you can observe because I don't want you to think there's anything to do right here. Because there isn't. Notice what is really there and try not to think about it. Remember: what you are observing and your thoughts about it could be an illusion. An illusion is created when 2 things come together: something happens and I think something about what happens.
This experiment is about omitting one of these two building blocks. So just observe without thinking about what you observe. If after some time you think that the experiment is not possible, you are probably under an illusion: what you observe (it is impossible to observe without thinking) and what you think (I can't do it) feed each other. That is the experiment: to observe that.
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